Pre-Test Jitters

You'll have to excuse me. I'm feeling a bit nervous. Test anxiety, you see. My palms are sweating. I've got butterflies in my stomach, and I know I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. I don't know how I'm going to make it - the test isn't until Monday! All these nerves over a simple exam!? Oh, did I mention that it is my daughter taking the test? Makes more sense now, doesn't it?

I always liked standardized tests when I was a kid in school. I positively glowed during Iowa Test of Basic Skills week. I liked tests so much that I took my ACT's three times - just for the fun of it! Strange, huh? But this time around, it's a whole different story. This time I feel like I'm the one being tested again, only in a much more personal, and much less fair, way.

Up to this point, the home schooling laws in our state and our educational preferences have never required any of our children to take a standardized test. Because we have never been beholden to typical standards and benchmarks, we've never followed typical standards and benchmarks.  It's allowed us to blaze our own trail. To follow our own rhythms and schedules. To do our own thing.

I like our own thing.

Now, though, we're suddenly, kinda, sorta trying to do someone else's thing. At least, Monday through Friday mornings of next week, we are. (And, by 'we', I mean my oldest daughter. And, vicariously through her, me as well.) I knew the day would come when she would want to (perhaps, even, benefit from) checking in with the rest of the educational world to see if we were even close to on the same page. But, it's uncomfortable, nonetheless.

I have no doubt that my daughter is brilliant. I have no doubt that I am a good teacher for her. (Okay - that last one was a lie. I get bombarded by doubts about that every 3.86 seconds. Twice that often on Tuesdays. But, I digress...) I don't like the idea that this one test might have the capacity to make my daughter doubt her brilliance, or make me further doubt my qualifications to be her teacher, especially since that's not what it's designed to do.

Our test just happens to be the Iowa Assessment. It was created as a means to assess how any given student scores on a finite subset of questions, from five different categories, in relation to how other students (in the state, and the nation), who are the same age and grade, answer those same questions from those same five different categories. Simple, huh?

In a nutshell, tests like these are merely a way of pointing fingers and saying, "Johnny is better at these language arts questions than Jimmy is." I get it. There is a place for such information. It can help pinpoint weaknesses and strengths, show long-term trends among student populations, and gives teachers a break from planning for the week that the test is administered. (I wasn't being cynical about that last one, by the way. I understand how hard teachers work. I'm sure the rest during test week is very welcomed and deserved.)

But, I think too many people place too much stock in such tests, at the detriment of students, parents, teachers, and educational institutions. I hope my daughter does well on these tests, of course, but only because she's worked hard to prepare, and I know that being able to get high scores on standardized tests will help her in the future. If she doesn't do so well, though, that's okay, too.

I'm not going to let a silly score shake my confidence. I am not going to let it make me go into a tailspin involving purchasing all new curriculum, implementing a whole new schedule, and/or looking into transferring our kids to public, private, or intensive boarding school. I am not going to freak out. I am not going to freak out. I am not going to freak out...

Seriously, though - I'm really not going to freak out if my daughter gets a mediocre test score. And neither should my daughter. And neither should you. You know why? These tests really are all about comparison and finger pointing - neither of which are very healthy or helpful activities. We've never raised our kids to aspire to be just like everyone else, or to judge their success or worth based on worldly standards. Whether or not my kids answer certain questions the same way as other kids their age really isn't the most important thing in the world, and neither is the resulting test score on a piece of paper. So, with a few deep breaths and a little heartfelt prayer, I'm sure that she (and I) will get through this experience just fine.

To Common Core, or Not to Common Core

When I was a kid, the test that we took every year was called the Iowa Test of Basic Skills. Even back then I used to wonder, 'who decided these are the basic skills, anyway?' Now a days, they often use a type of standardized assessment called MAP testing. I know it's an acronym, but the title itself is telling, since it seeks to measure if students are where they're 'supposed' to be, when they're 'supposed' to be. Call it my rebellious nature, but I tend chafe at such things.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not an anarchist, subversive, or rabble rouser (at least, not too much), but I still don't like being told what to do. And, I especially don't like being told who to be. That's what common core feels like to me. I once heard Ed Dickerson, a long-time home school advocate here in Iowa, recount this anecdote:

A woman went into a shoe store and asked for a pair of shoes for her daughter. She wasn't quite sure what size the girl was, so she told the clerk to get what he thought would fit a nine year old girl. The clerk promptly returned with a pair of neon-green shoes that was at least three sizes too big. The woman replied that his choice wasn't going to work, and that he should try again. His reply was simply that there must be something wrong with the girl, since what he got from the back room was clearly labeled, 'nine-year-old girl shoes.' 

See what I mean? I understand the need to set goals and standards. After all, how can we know we're reaching our objectives if we don't know what they are? But, I take exception to goals and standards that are so specific so as to be stifling; so line-upon-line that they are limiting. In short, I don't like being told that it is my nine-year-old girl who is flawed if she doesn't fit the educational "shoes" handed down to her from some distant group of education wonks and bean counters. (Oh, dear - did I really say that!!??)

Allow me to redeem myself, if I may, to any teachers, administrators, or others involved in public education. I am, essentially, also an education wonk and bean counter. Sure, I might hide it behind my jean jumper, A Beka books, and late wake-up time, but I am a licensed teacher. Signed, sealed, and certified. I believe in education, and (for the most part) in the methods and institutions that deliver education to the vast majority of children around the globe. I understand the need for continuity across the curriculum, gradualism from grade to grade, and standardization. I also understand that wonks and bean counters really do know what they're talking about, much of the time. (If you don't believe me, just watch the movie Moneyball.) Therein lies my conundrum.

I didn't choose to home school because I was anti-something. I don't hate public schools. I am not raging against any machine. (Except my vacuum. Right now it's not working, which has gotten me pretty upset. But, that's a different issue.) I know home schoolers who practically froth at the mouth when they speak about public education. I know public school teachers who roll their eyes derisively and genuinely feel sorry for children who are lost in the educational clutches of their ignorant parents each day. Generally the former group is about as far from common core as you can get, and the latter is its biggest cheering section. Seriously, people - why can't we all just get along? Isn't there some sort of balance that can be found?

Someday, I hope someone will create a test that really captures who a kid is. You know - it can tell whether they're ready for long division, or know the difference between a direct and indirect object pronoun. But, it will also point out that they're excellent at diving, or playing the tuba, or being a help around the house. From this marvelous test, education experts (i.e., wonks and bean counters) will be able to create a new set of standards and benchmarks, uniquely crafted for each and every student, in order to capitalize on each gift and talent. Until then, I'm afraid my skepticism of Common Core will remain. Sure, I may refer to it periodically to see if my kids are traveling in the same general direction as most other kids, but mostly I'm going to have to stick to my own common sense, and the things that are at the core of our beliefs and destinies. It may not be as exacting as the Common Core everyone is used to, but it's served us well thus far.