Pre-Test Jitters

You'll have to excuse me. I'm feeling a bit nervous. Test anxiety, you see. My palms are sweating. I've got butterflies in my stomach, and I know I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. I don't know how I'm going to make it - the test isn't until Monday! All these nerves over a simple exam!? Oh, did I mention that it is my daughter taking the test? Makes more sense now, doesn't it?

I always liked standardized tests when I was a kid in school. I positively glowed during Iowa Test of Basic Skills week. I liked tests so much that I took my ACT's three times - just for the fun of it! Strange, huh? But this time around, it's a whole different story. This time I feel like I'm the one being tested again, only in a much more personal, and much less fair, way.

Up to this point, the home schooling laws in our state and our educational preferences have never required any of our children to take a standardized test. Because we have never been beholden to typical standards and benchmarks, we've never followed typical standards and benchmarks.  It's allowed us to blaze our own trail. To follow our own rhythms and schedules. To do our own thing.

I like our own thing.

Now, though, we're suddenly, kinda, sorta trying to do someone else's thing. At least, Monday through Friday mornings of next week, we are. (And, by 'we', I mean my oldest daughter. And, vicariously through her, me as well.) I knew the day would come when she would want to (perhaps, even, benefit from) checking in with the rest of the educational world to see if we were even close to on the same page. But, it's uncomfortable, nonetheless.

I have no doubt that my daughter is brilliant. I have no doubt that I am a good teacher for her. (Okay - that last one was a lie. I get bombarded by doubts about that every 3.86 seconds. Twice that often on Tuesdays. But, I digress...) I don't like the idea that this one test might have the capacity to make my daughter doubt her brilliance, or make me further doubt my qualifications to be her teacher, especially since that's not what it's designed to do.

Our test just happens to be the Iowa Assessment. It was created as a means to assess how any given student scores on a finite subset of questions, from five different categories, in relation to how other students (in the state, and the nation), who are the same age and grade, answer those same questions from those same five different categories. Simple, huh?

In a nutshell, tests like these are merely a way of pointing fingers and saying, "Johnny is better at these language arts questions than Jimmy is." I get it. There is a place for such information. It can help pinpoint weaknesses and strengths, show long-term trends among student populations, and gives teachers a break from planning for the week that the test is administered. (I wasn't being cynical about that last one, by the way. I understand how hard teachers work. I'm sure the rest during test week is very welcomed and deserved.)

But, I think too many people place too much stock in such tests, at the detriment of students, parents, teachers, and educational institutions. I hope my daughter does well on these tests, of course, but only because she's worked hard to prepare, and I know that being able to get high scores on standardized tests will help her in the future. If she doesn't do so well, though, that's okay, too.

I'm not going to let a silly score shake my confidence. I am not going to let it make me go into a tailspin involving purchasing all new curriculum, implementing a whole new schedule, and/or looking into transferring our kids to public, private, or intensive boarding school. I am not going to freak out. I am not going to freak out. I am not going to freak out...

Seriously, though - I'm really not going to freak out if my daughter gets a mediocre test score. And neither should my daughter. And neither should you. You know why? These tests really are all about comparison and finger pointing - neither of which are very healthy or helpful activities. We've never raised our kids to aspire to be just like everyone else, or to judge their success or worth based on worldly standards. Whether or not my kids answer certain questions the same way as other kids their age really isn't the most important thing in the world, and neither is the resulting test score on a piece of paper. So, with a few deep breaths and a little heartfelt prayer, I'm sure that she (and I) will get through this experience just fine.